At Arms Length

Held at arms length 
I struggle against the current.
The expanding space between us 
is muffling and dense. 
I know that clawing the particles 
only pushes what I want away, 
yet I can’t help myself.

Abandoned. That’s how it feels 
when thoughts dwell in this space. 
Picked up, enjoyed, dropped, forgotten.
A reflection on me more than it is on you
Though the bitterness wishes you swim harder 
Over thinking, complicating our honest simplicity 
Tugging only loosens my grip, 
The internal longing causing me to slip.  

Hot faced and cold handed,
I lost balance. 
Life teaching me to let go
and practice non attachment. 
What I have is enough! 
And there it is;
That innate red power waiting 
at the pit of my spine.
An energy that knows more 
than my thoughts will allow right now.
Of wonders in the unknown 
and the potential that’s ready to seep 
through the cracks of life’s lessons.
A constellation of scarring, bruising and bustling health 
That compiles this moving vessel I inhabit.

So I stop resisting. 
Accept that control is an unachievable invention 
and how wonderfully freeing it is. 
Embracing the chaos 
Unleashing this orchestra of vibrations to disperse,
leaping into the unknown with shear faith it will catch me 
and weave me into the complex tapestry of this universe. 

The Short Straw

Life is too short. Too short, they say 
This pressure to be so present
Fluorescent
It won’t be long
Before he’s taken away
I’ve known deep down 
Just like I felt with George
My friend who died before turning twenty five

It scares me who my body decides is precious  
This sixth sense 
Perhaps it’s no power of mine 
Only a soft knowing by them
That unfolds through their eyes
In telling peaceful perspective
Attracting me like a mayfly to the damp dawn,
I flutter above their calm, cool waters
Silently apprehending the splash and struggle
Yet I keep dipping 
Diving, daring myself in
And now, floating, half soaked on the surface
I wonder
‘What should I do with my gift?’
These precious days granted to some
Taken away from many
Beings briefly weighted to earth
Who pulled the short straw
And if grief is an art to be practiced like this
A heart pulled, squeezed, torn, a twist for a kiss with death
Then distancing myself goes against every grain of my veins 
My skin breathes and yearns
Attracted to deeper understanding 

Shining, he cinders a knowing smile
Two voids apart for only a short while
We’re all one after all
Rise and fall, rise and fall
I’ll keep our secrets woven into this tapestry 
And just like the vibrations of the gong
Dissolving, I’ll join your cool calm waters
I know it won’t be long